You wouldn't know it by the way Dave freely walks in the door, but he's a client at UCAN. He is obviously very comfortable at the drop-in center. But it's a bad day, so he walks down the hall, shuts the door, lies on the couch and takes a nap. For Dave, UCAN is a place he can visit when passing by. He uses the direct-services fund in emergencies, but for the most part, his involvement is social.

 

He grew up in the small town of Bucoda, Washington - a town not caught up in gay liberation! His job took him to California, a place that would mark a new chapter in his life. He partied, lived "out," and made lots of friends. It was there that David experienced love. It was also there that David experienced AIDS.

 

Dave was living with his partner, Andre, in California when he learned of a former partner passing from complications due to AIDS. Not long after, Andre tested positive. He was suddenly surrounded with the disease. David realized his chances of testing negative for the virus were very low, so he put it off for a full year. He and Andre moved to the mountains of Lake Tahoe to escape the pressure of the city and in 1990, David tested positive for HIV.

 

Andre was getting worse and his health-care needs made living in the mountains too difficult. The closest hospital was over an hour away. During the winter months, travel time could easily double. David's parents found out the situation and asked him to move to Washington State and live with them.

 

The move came at the perfect time. David's little brother quit his job and moved in across the hall to help take care of Andre while David went to work. It wasn't long before David was feeling overwhelmed. He decided to attend a UCAN support group meeting. One week after his first meeting, Andre died.

David looked to support sessions for stability and comfort, knowing that no matter what happened all week, he could always count on them to get him through.

 

Six months passed and he became more proactive as a member of the UCAN Speakers' Bureau. He was particularly enthused about working with kids. He is still speaking for the bureau.

 

As I talked more with him, I found Dave to be a person very comfortable with himself and with his feelings. During the interview, he was able to laugh heartily - so heartily that people knew when he was laughing! He also shed a tear or two. He wasn't afraid to show the emotions he felt with each story he told. It was magical to watch this man sit back with his "Strength for the Journey" t-shirt on and say, "I feel very fortunate." How could this man with full-blown AIDS tell me he was fortunate, I thought to myself.

 

I guess the question showed on my face , because he quickly told me. He felt lucky to have a family there for him and friends that supported him.

 

"Before, looking at birds in the trees sounded silly to me, but I've learned to look up now. I have a greater appreciation for life in general."

 

Although David feels lucky, he still deals with feelings of fear everyday. "I wonder with every new bruise or cough - is it starting? But I've learned that recognizing my situation, instead of denying it, can be healing." He said he just tries to recognize his fears rather than let them constrict him.

 

For now, David is concentrating on living life to the fullest. He attends retreats and strongly urges others to do the same. He is very involved at UCAN and would love to see more clients using the facilities.

 

David, you truly shine on!

 

 

In 1995, my very good friend Ronnie died from complications of HIV/AIDS.  I was working in a job which I absolutely despised.  Ronnie left me a pot of money in an insurance policy.  That money, combined with my savings and an IRA that I cashed out gave me an opportunity to quit work and take some time to sort out my life.  I had had a bad motorcycle accident a year earlier and knew from hospital tests at that time that I was HIV negative.

 

So I quit the job and moved into Ronnie's rent controlled apartment overlooking downtown San Francisco.  In very short order, I met a person who introduced me to crack cocaine.  This very powerful drug immediately took over my life.  I spent the next nine months not doing much else other than crack.  I spent thousands of dollars of my new found fortune on crack.  

 

I finally woke up one morning and said "I can’t do this anymore", and walked away from it.  Be nice if it would have ended there.  Not to be.  Within a couple of weeks, I met another person who introduced me to crystal methamphetamine AND a needle.  At this point the party really began.

 

Twice the bang for my buck, the high was more intense and substantially cheaper.  While I was spending less money, I was staying high longer.  I would be up for three or four days at a time.  Sleep deprivation would take over and I’d sleep for a while, get up and eat something and start in again.

 

When you are using in this fashion life really ceases.  As Narcotics Anonymous says...  "I used to live and lived to use".  When you party like that and you have a lot of "friends" using with you, you don’t always do the right thing.  I always felt that I was careful in my needle use.  However, when you are high and you need that next hit and you go to the table and look at all those needles laying there and you say to yourself, “Yeah, that one’s mine”, it ain’t always necessarily so.

 

Some where along the line one of those needles I picked up and used wasn’t mine.  It was around September of 1996 that I started to feel badly.  I began to have bouts of diarrhea and started to lose weight.  By Thanksgiving, the diarrhea became chronic and I sought medical help.  I had lost about forty pounds.  Since I wasn’t working I had no health insurance and was going to the Haight-Ashbury Free Clinic.  They did an HIV test and it was then I found out I was positive.

 

A dirty needle had got me!

 

By Christmas I had become quite ill.  My weight had continued to drop and the diarrhea was almost constant.  I had quit using.  I also stopped eating much in the hopes that the diarrhea would abate.  A lot happens when you don’t eat a lot.  I got even sicker, lost more weight (because when you don’t give your body food, it begins to eat itself).

 

At the beginning of January of 1997 I called my good friend Pierre for help.  He came by and saw my sorry state and recommended that I go to the Veteran's Administration Hospital for treatment.  He had been a volunteer at their AIDS Clinic and knew I was a vet and eligible for treatment there.

 

He took me out to the VA hospital at Ft. Miley and they admitted me at once.  Test found that my T-cell count was 37 and my viral load was off the charts.  Diagnosis?  Cryptosporidiosis!  A stomach parasite was eating me alive.  My weight at this point was 122 pounds.  They put me on a new (at that time) regimen of medications and the diarrhea began to finally abate.  I stayed for eleven days.

 

When I got back home the new meds began to bring me back to life.  By March of 1997 I had regained most of my weight and was feeling pretty good.  Hell, I was almost cured.  So I went back to using.  This time with a real vengeance.  I was high most of the time.

 

This went on until the following January when, similarly to what I had done with the crack I woke up one morning after an especially bad run and decided that I had to quit.  The money was gone, I was very close to being homeless.

 

I turned to another friend, Laura, for help.  She had moved from The City some years earlier to the wine country about 90 miles away, and I knew if I could get away from my scummy drug friends and into the arms of someone who cared for me and I cared for dearly, I could stay clean.

 

It worked.  With the help of Narcotics Anonymous.  I have stayed clean.  My health had some ups and downs over the next four years.  I failed my initial regimen of meds and started on a new one.  This time as part of a research study by Abbott Laboratories.  I was part of the double blind study that got Koletra approved for the general public use.  Double blind studies are very scary, because you don’t know for sure if you’re getting medication or a placebo

 

When I first arrived in Santa Rosa, I went to work again.  I was hired by a man that ran a variety of group living homes.  Developmentally Disabled Adults, Alzheimer patients, and recently paroled adults with mental problems.  I really enjoyed this work and went so far as to take over completely the home for DDAs.

 

In June of 2002, I lost the lease on the home I was renting for the folks and was unable to find a suitable replacement facility.  I ended up relocating everybody, closing it down.  

 

Along about this time Laura, who was a State contractor working with the blind and visually impaired community, was becoming disenfranchised with her job, and we decided to move away from the Bay Area to Lacey, Washington so she could be closer to her folks.  

 

Then, disaster hit...   In December of 2002, I began to experience a bit of stomach pain.  I went to the VA Hospital at American Lake in Tacoma, Washington.  They began by running some tests that showed that my HIV numbers were okay, so they started treating me for acid reflux.  That didn’t help a great deal.  I began to get extremely tired all the time, spending as much as twenty hours a day in bed.  Once again my weight began to fall.

 

Finally one morning in March Laura took me to the emergency room.  They did some blood tests and found that my hematocrit level (the amount of iron in your blood) was dangerously low.  They admitted me and gave me two pints of blood and scheduled me for a CAT scan.  The results of the CAT scan showed some spots on my liver.

 

They transferred me to the VA Hospital in Seattle for a biopsy of the liver spots and a lymph gland that had swollen in my groin.  The results of the biopsies showed Stage 4A Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, which was brought on by the HIV.  Next up was chemotherapy.  In August I began chemo and completed it November.  A recent CAT scan has shown that I am in complete remission.  The chemo was miserable, but did the trick.

 

This disease can be stopped.  Be informed.  Learn all you can on how to protect yourself and your loved ones.

 

Thanks for stopping by and taking the time learn about me.